I went for a bike ride tonight. An hour and a half bike ride! It is quite difficult to ride a bike, pay attention to the path, make eye contact, wave and say hi all at the same time!! Also people are even more unaware of the people around them as they are concentrating on riding their bike and not crashing then when they are just walking!! As well, I am flying past people and it doesn't give me or them as much time to connect! That made it fun too though....smiling and saying hi and then hearing their reaction behind me! One guy said "Nice! Come back and make me laugh!". I heard many people say "Hey, that girl is wearing a clown nose!", "Cool", "Love your nose!". There were many smiles, nods, laughter and of course many blank stares.
With those blank stares, or non-reactions or even angry faces (that is just my interpretation of them...who knows what those people are actually thinking or feeling), I notice myself going straight into my head and shutting down. I make those "reactions/non-reactions" about me. The conversations grow louder in my head at those times. Those conversations are about how silly I look, how people think I am stupid for doing this, and that I must be a completely off my rocker! It is interesting to me how I can go from not being self-conscience at all and being super happy to being soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (do you get my point!!??) self-conscience and sad/angry the next moment all because of a look, comment or a reaction I wasn't planning on or that I wanted. I know this happens for me even without my red nose on! This is not getting easier for me; wearing my nose. I am still freaking out every time I think about putting my nose on and heading out into the world. I still have to take deep breaths and remind myself why I am doing this....to connect to people. To make people smile. To break through my own boundaries/barriers and allow others to do the same.
One thing I noticed as well tonight is that I wasn't in such a hurry or annoyed as I usually am on my bike. I get so frustrated with people who go slow or who walk/bike and take up the whole path. I ring my bell angrily at them. Tonight, I rang my bell and yelled "Clown coming through" and a group of older people turned around, laughed so hard and yelled "Opa". I went through a group of Greeks and they loved it!
One person asked if the nose inhibits me?? I said that it is a good bug deflector!! We both laughed at that one! There are a couple of technical difficulties with my nose that I need to report. One of them is that when I am walking/exercising, there is a build up of condensation and my nose "runs"!!! So I now have learned that I need tissues with me at all times to wipe my nose!!!! Also, while breathing through my nose, my sunglasses get all steamed up and it makes it difficult to see where I am going! Haha! All this just makes for a more exciting and interesting journey!
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